Single motherhood by choice: another attack on the rights of the unborn child?

In a recent viral TikTok video, a single woman is seen hosting a party where herself and her friends gathered to eat snacks, enjoy drinks and look at a power point presentation, which consisted of baby photos and other facts about various men. These men, of course, were potential sperm donors that the single woman and her friends were going to vote on, in order to ascertain who would be the best father (in name only) for the child the woman was going to birth and raise -  via in vitro fertilisation, or IVF. Alone. By choice.

The TikTok video was recently featured on one of the latest episodes of the Human Matters show, hosted by Sami Parker of Live Action. The video depicts the single woman, who is in her mid to late thirties, showing off the arrangements for her “Sperm Shower”. The camera proceeds to pan to the themed drinks and snacks, labeled with names inspired by grotesque innuendos. Her friends are seen scattered throughout the woman’s home, laughing and smiling, seemingly treating the entire affair as a fun get-together. 

The immediate reaction of most people when seeing this video would be something along the lines of: “there’s no way this is real”, or “this has to be a joke”. One would naturally head straight to the comments, hoping to find their thought process mirrored and validated. Unfortunately, one would be disappointed, to say the least. 

As Sami draws attention to, some of the most-liked comments only echo the video’s sentiment further:

As can be gleaned from the sheer number of likes on each comment, the author of the video and her friends are clearly not alone in their view of single motherhood by choice, or that of the role of fathers. The overarching theme here seems to be that men are at best, not necessary or at all vital for the successful raising and emotional wellbeing of children, and at worst, are complete useless morons who are better left out of the picture altogether. But for the benefit of whom? 

Every sane person on this planet knows that single motherhood is not something to be romanticised. However, the practice of deliberately choosing to be a single mother is growing, even with entire web forums dedicated to it, boasting 20k members. It goes without saying that many women due to loss, abandonment, or worse have been forced into single motherhood, and despite significant struggle have provided for and taken exceptional care of their children. These women should be applauded and supported at every single turn, that is not being questioned or denied here. However, pull any of those women aside and ask them if they would ever choose by design to bring a child into the world by themselves, forfeiting the role of the father entirely, from the outset, and wait for their response. They may tell you that in their lived experience, single motherhood was the best or safest option, due to an unreliable or dangerous partner. However, I would bet if faced with the above hypothetical situation, they would never choose to inflict the hardship of being a single parent on themselves, or their children. 

Ah, yes - the children! You may have noticed how there was absolutely no mention of the effects of single motherhood on the soon-to-be-conceived child, treated as only secondary, in the TikTok video. No attention drawn to the paternal relationship being ripped from the poor innocent before they’re even called into existence. As Sami succinctly put it herself:

“The adult chose to pay with money, the child was forced to pay with the relationship with their own dad.”

But what does a child’s right to a father mean in a society that doesn’t even recognise the child’s inherent right to life? It means absolutely nothing. When you argue the point, you’re told “it’s not that deep”, “it’s none of your business”, or “it’s her right to have a child, regardless”. Because once you can pay to buy sperm from a donor and fork out tens of thousands for IVF treatment, that’s all it takes, or should take. The child is reduced to a product. They are simply a commodity. And of course, if the product being sold turns out to be faulty, or even if you simply just don’t want it anymore, you can have it destroyed. It’s your right. 

The existence of IVF, single motherhood or single fatherhood by choice cannot coexist with the dignity and rights of the child, born or unborn. This paradox is, unfortunately, self-evident with the rights of the unborn being under constant attack both at home and abroad. Naturally, the child that can be murdered in the womb can of course be bought and sold to anyone who can pay. 

Screenshot from the authors TikTok video

Another factor in the story of this single woman cannot be ignored, however. She is a nurse and a lactation consultant, who has significant experience with babies, and naturally, loves them to bits. She probably would make an excellent mother. And as a mother myself, my heart genuinely breaks for the countless women who find themselves in their mid to late thirties, or older, without any children and desperately wanting them with every fibre of their being. Every time I snuggle up to my toddler, I whisper a prayer of thanks to God for him, and I feel a twinge of pain in my heart for those women who may never experience this. I recognise that this is the desire of many women, and it simply doesn’t happen for a number of them. Or that many women, with the best intentions, focus on their career while they are in their twenties and early thirties, hoping to develop a strong and reliable financial foundation upon which to build a family, and end up missing what is biologically speaking, their most fertile years. Both these situations and more which essentially all center around women who feel they have missed their chance at a family are very real, very understandable and very tragic. 

The plight of the single woman who yearns for a child should not be disregarded insensitively, but her pain cannot be treated as superseding the ‘rights of the child. No matter how real this pain is, it still does not give anyone the right to essentially buy a child, and by design, deprive them from the chance of ever knowing one or the other of their biological parents. A child has a right to their mother and father. A child does not exist purely for the benefit or emotional well being of the mother or father, who may love them with all their heart. They are their own person with their own rights, which existed from the moment they were conceived, whether a State recognises these innate God-given rights or not.

As the above TikTok video and the comments blatantly show, the attitudes in today’s society towards conception and parenthood are all too often heinously flippant. The discourse around the creation and destruction of a human life, particularly in the womb, is indistinguishable from that of a joke. Even when the topic at hand pertains to something as incredibly serious as the fathering of a child, the language used is puerile and pornified. This all speaks to the ongoing complete degradation and objectification of the human person. What this woman who authored the TikTok video in question needed from those around her was not jokes, not stupid comments, but an invitation to a serious discussion about the road she was misguidedly heading down. For her sake, but also for her potential future child, who will, please God, never see this TikTok video.